Thursday, January 14, 2010

Ways to know your wife is cheating - or looking to.

1. In twitter she only refers to you by your first initial to save space... but she always writes out the other guys name fully. example: "S is here today. But GIOVANI will be here tomorrow."

2. All of your mutual pictures have been taken off of facebook and replaced but what looks like a bunch of photos she took for match.com you know the poses I'm talking about.
3. Her 10 year old collection of granny panties has been replaced by sexy thongs and boy shorts
4. Girls night out goes from being once every couple months to every couple of nights. 5. Her work pants all of a sudden become work skirts and her 2 inch heels seem to have grow to 4 inches.

6. When she gets a call, her usual "phone voice" is replaced with a flirtatious laughing voice instead.


7. Her work sends her out of town.... For the first time in the 20 years she has worked there. .

8. She spends an hour putting on makeup and "getting ready" to run to "walmart" to pick up a couple of things. Especially bad if she comes home and says "They were out of what I needed"

9. Her close friends all seem to snicker and look away when you walk in the room.


10. You come home to find another guy in your bed. Yup, that would do it.









Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Things you never want your roomate to say to you

We have all had roommates at some point in our life (well, most of us at least). Here is a list of things that you would hope to never have your roommate say to you.

Here's your underwear back. I ran out the other day.


Would you mind coming in the bathroom and checking this out for me?


Is it a problem if your mom sleeps over tonight?


Did you know your sister has a tatoo on her butt cheek?


Where is my sperm sample? I can't find it in the fridge.


I've been thinking about experimenting with my sexuality.



Rent? What rent?



Spaghetti noodle strainer? I thought that was a.... uh. Never mind.



Your toothbrush is the red one? Really?



and the top thing you don't want to hear your roomate say to you.....


Do you mind if I snuggle in bed with you... It's cold tonight.