Things Porn teaches

After doing some research *cough cough* I have decided to teach all of you... my adoring public... what things I have learned from watching porn. I provide this as a public service announcement so that others won't have to suffer through the hours upon hours of watching porn to learn these vital life realities.


1. Women love to clean in the nude

2. Women love to wear high heels while cleaning... in the nude.

3. Most women sit at home in lingerie and a robe waiting on the plumber, TV repair man, or pizza delivery guy to arrive. As a side note plumbers arent fat with crack showing and the pizza guy is never an acne faced 17 year old working a part time job.

4. The best position for sex is standing up doggie style with the girls leg contorted up onto a counter top.

5. Most women NEVER wear bras or panties.

6. Nurses believe that sponge baths and sex are a cure all.... and it seems to work.




7. Police officers do way more strip searches then I thought. and they are very thorough! Cavity search... seriously!



8. Sex on the beach is a pleasant experience. Sand is never an issue.

9. All of your friends mothers are hot and horny. Just take them.

10. When you run out of cash, offering sex is always an option.

11. Womens Prisons are the place to be! I can't understand why more guys don't want to be the security guard there.

and finally

12. There is NEVER a wet spot nor the need to "clean up" or shower afterwards.

and for those of you wondering, I kept this PG. Most of my good stuff was in the rated R category but I decided to keep those thoughts to myself. *pats self on back for being a good guy*

Womens Eyebrows

Since I did a Public Service Announcement the other day about men's eyebrows and the pitfalls there can be I decided that it was only appropriate to do the same post for females. Yes, it is not only the guys who have issues with their eyebrows. For women though its even more unacceptable since you are already familiar with makeup and taking care of your face. You have no excuse ladies. So for your knowledge, below are some pictures of the issues many women seem to have with their eyebrows.

This seems to be a pretty cute girl. But it is a classic case of bad eyebrows. If she would shape them in a better way (not the hockey stick plucking she did) then she would raise her cuteness level considerably. I guess practice can help.

Just like the guys... Unibrows do not work. Pluck, shave, wax, have a friend hold you down and throw some NAIR in there. Something. But please please please, don't let your eyebrows meet in the middle.

OK, What the Hell? I guess if you love the outline your lips look the same pencil can be used on your eyebrows. I bet she was happy when Sharpie came out with the new thin line marker.

This picture just makes me want to cry. Literally. I have a tear rolling down my cheeks. you can actually see where the original eyebrow was. OMG. WTF. I, I, I, I just don't know what else to say.

Pencil thin, long as all, way higher on the forehead then reality. Come on. There are these things called mirrors. But seriously. I bet she thinks She's got it going on!

Its a man Baby! Well, probably not but with these bushy eyebrows it sure makes me think that. Once I get past that my next question is, "If her eyebrows are this bushy, what about the rest of her?"

This is probably some little kids Great Aunt. Just think of her coming at you trying to pinch your cheeks. As a side note, doesn't it look like 2 sperms coming together to meet?

Mommy Dearest! These eyebrows are enough to scare the child before you even say "NO WIRE HANGERS!"

I predict this will be the new fashion style for eyebrows. Sculpted into your favorite pet.

The most famous female bad eyebrows! Frida!

And finally,

Don't let a child go through this. They aren't old enough to know better. Come on parents.

A Special Public Announcement

As a special Public Service Announcement I have decided to tackle a most horrendous problem. A problem which causes trauma not only to those directly inflicted but also by those who come into contact with those inflicted. A problem that keeps young men sitting home alone on a Friday night. A problem which often leads to snickering behind the inflicted's back. Most importantly, a problem which can be solved.


This traumatizing predicament I will speak on today is Bad Eyebrows. Yes, bad eyebrows. To most people eyebrows are an after thought. They certainly aren't the item that will make women swoon over a guy but they can be the killer that keeps a girl from even listening to your bad pick up lines. For all of you single guys out there, remember not to shoot yourself in the foot. Trim those eyebrows and please please, do everyone a favor and make sure there are 2 of them on your face and not 1.


Below are typical images of guys who have not listened to my words. I don't think any of them are going to be on E!'s hottest men lists.

The Basic Unibrow


Another Unibrow. He may get chicks with his smile though, I can't say for certain.

Bushy. But at least they match his hair

Probably the most famous of the bushy brows. Come on Andy, buy a razor. Clean those suckers up.

I have no words. Bushy, unibrow, sparse in areas. He just covers all bases.

The Moused Look. If you can (and do) style your eyebrows with mouse.... There's a problem.

Even the Great Edward Cullen has some freaking bushy eyebrows.

Now, keeping your eyebrows in shape is not hard to do. Go buy an eyebrow electric trimmer for men. Then just use the trimmer. It doesn't have to be MANSCAPED. Just clean it up a little. Then were the eyebrows are suppose to be separated make sure to shave that smooth. That's all there is to it guys. We aren't talking 2 hours in the bathroom here. an extra 5 min. when shaving. But if you really need a better explanation or just like to watch how to videos check this one out.

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-tame-hairy-eyebrows

I will admit that there are exceptions to every rule, even this one. Below is a guy that overcame his affliction and was able to find a girl that thought his stellar personality overcame his forest of an eyebrow.