Things Porn teaches

After doing some research *cough cough* I have decided to teach all of you... my adoring public... what things I have learned from watching porn. I provide this as a public service announcement so that others won't have to suffer through the hours upon hours of watching porn to learn these vital life realities.


1. Women love to clean in the nude

2. Women love to wear high heels while cleaning... in the nude.

3. Most women sit at home in lingerie and a robe waiting on the plumber, TV repair man, or pizza delivery guy to arrive. As a side note plumbers arent fat with crack showing and the pizza guy is never an acne faced 17 year old working a part time job.

4. The best position for sex is standing up doggie style with the girls leg contorted up onto a counter top.

5. Most women NEVER wear bras or panties.

6. Nurses believe that sponge baths and sex are a cure all.... and it seems to work.




7. Police officers do way more strip searches then I thought. and they are very thorough! Cavity search... seriously!



8. Sex on the beach is a pleasant experience. Sand is never an issue.

9. All of your friends mothers are hot and horny. Just take them.

10. When you run out of cash, offering sex is always an option.

11. Womens Prisons are the place to be! I can't understand why more guys don't want to be the security guard there.

and finally

12. There is NEVER a wet spot nor the need to "clean up" or shower afterwards.

and for those of you wondering, I kept this PG. Most of my good stuff was in the rated R category but I decided to keep those thoughts to myself. *pats self on back for being a good guy*