LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION! Sex in the movies looks so grand. A couple is so turned on that they just grab each other and without hesitation go at it like rabbits. No matter the location or whats going on around them to world stops and earth shattering sex is had. To bad the real world isn't so nice. Rug burn happens, banging your head on a rock happens, clean up happens. So today we are running down the top 10 movie sex scenes that are not as glorious in real life.
10. Port-a-potties/concerts - Yes, sex in public can be hot. Being so turned on that you have to have it at a concert can be REALLY hot. But the port-a-potties of real life are NASTY, GROSS, and no one wants to touch anything in them. Let alone scrump around in it.
9. The Airplane Bathroom - Joining the mile high club is a dream for most people. How great is it to say you were 25000 feet in the air and had great sex? It's a list people just have to be on. A list they are willing to risk getting arrested for. But is it a risk you are willing to try to have sex in the worlds smallest bathroom? We all remember Chevy Chase having the blue leg after he tried it.
8. Hardwood Stairs - Many a movie makes it to the stairs but the couple are so hot they just can't wait the extra 8 seconds to go up them to get to the bedroom. So they lay right there and go at it on the stairs. Doggie style works well. So that is not part of the list. However, ask anyone who is on bottom how it feels to have hardwood stairs hitting you in multiple places while you are trying to enjoy the pelasure of the hot sex. Talk about a turn off. It won't take long before that person is begging.... Begging you to stop.
6. Any Rocky Location - See Hardwood Stairs. Rocks are not fun. They hurt. They scratch and they cut. By the way, I don't mean the good type of hurt like a spanking brings.
5. A Rope Swing. Think of how hard it is for 1 person to get in and out of the rope swing. An arm falling through the opening, a leg getting twisted in ropes. While they can be comfortable when you just laying still, movement can cause quite the problem. Now add another body to the mix and lots of movement. Arms flailing about, legs intertwined together. A penis hanging out.... Add all of this up and you have the makings of a Marx Brothers comedy, not the makings of hot passionate lovemaking.
4. Ocean (really any body of water) - Guys, for you it will be fun. A lot of fun. But stop for a minute and ask any girl what forcing sandy salt water into her vagina does for her..... not a pretty picture. Salt water dries up the natural juices and is very unpleasant for the girl. So for guys this may be a good place but for the women... Think again.
3. Small Cars - cramps are not fun during sex.
2. Bathtub - one of the most "go to" movie scenes for romantic sex. The candles, the bubble bath, the hot water. It looks so wonderful. How could any couple not take advantage of that bath tub they own to re enact this beautiful experience? Well, the normal bathtub is a lot shorter than the normal person and they aren't wide enough for 2 people. Then don't even get me started on a metal faucet hitting you while your trying to pump away.
1. The Beach. One of the most iconic scenes in movies comes from the Beach. But think about all that sand. Have you ever gone to the beach just for fun and afterwards you are really pissed at all the sand you brought home with you? Sand has a magenetic like way of getting into every nook and crany on your body. Just imagine the places it goes when your having sex. Just like the ocean water, what do you think sand does to a woman when it gets inside her? Not fun!
*note - all sex can be great. These just don't end up as nice as in the movies.
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