Thursday, June 28, 2012

Movie Love

Movies make romance and sex so wonderful. They other day we pointed the ways to have sex that look great in the movies but really doesn't hold up well in real life.  Well today we are going the opposite direction.  Today's top 10 is the best movie sex scene that actually is great in the real world to!

Let's get rolling because the sooner we read this... the sooner we can try some out!

10. The Couch.  Yes it is such a basic place.  Everyone has one in their home.  But the couch is like a big sex toy.  Want romance, lay together on the couch and slowly "make love".  Watching a movie?   Spoon together and enjoy both the movie and your partner.  Want some fast and furious hot and now sex?  Grab your partner and bend her over the arm or back of the couch.  Any position you want any level of heat you want.  The Couch.  Yea Boy.

9. In a Boat. - Floating on the water out in the open but no one can see you, sun beating down or especially a beautiful sunset.  Being on a boat is a great experience.  A little rocking with the waves never hurts either.

8. On the Hood of a Car.  Now this is about passion.  There is not slow and romantic here.  There is no "love making" going on. The hood of the car is made perfectly for those time when you just have to have each other.  The height of the hood is ideal for doggie style and who could resist that urge.

7. In your Office.  Talk about Taboo.  Everyone has thought of it.  A tete-a-tete  between you and your significant other during your lunch hour or AFTER HOURS in the place you work.  Not quite as awesome if you only have a cubical but in your office is wonderful.  If you have a couch in there you get an even better experience!

6. Nice Hotel Sex.  No motels here.  Going to an upper class hotel with a beautiful bed, huge windows, and a nice rice feeling is a great stress reliever.  Add to that romantic sex and you really can do something about that stress you have.  The Nice Hotel is the perfect place to have romantic sex and recharge your relationship.  Add another level by ordering chocolate covered strawberries from room service.

5. A Quickie at any party.  People all around dancing and drinking.  Having a great time.  You look across the room and find your partner talking to people.  You dance a little, you touch and go a little.  Finally you both just have to have it.  You rush to the bathroom and lock the door.  There you have a hot passionate quickie on the bathroom sink.  People outside the door knocking but you don't care.  You have to finish this now!  Then once you're both finished you clean up and walk out right in front of all those people standing in line.  They look at you with such jealousy wishing they were the ones in the bathroom doing what you just did.  Not only did you have great instant sex, you also turned on every other person at the party and made them wish they had your sex life.  you are their hero!

4. Kitchen Table/Counter. - another spur of the moment location.  Waiting for the water to boil, just take her right there.  Throw her up on the counter or bend her over the table.  Either way will lead to an explosion bigger than you have had in years.

3. Camping out in the wilderness.  What better thing to do in the wilderness or tent than have sex.  We all come from nature and we all have a base animal inside of us.  We were bred to have sex in the wild.  We are animals.  At times we need to get back to our animal instincts and go beast outdoors.  

2. On the Balcony.  Ever take a cruise and get a balcony?  Hotel room have a balcony?  Even your own home may have one.  A Balcony is place that lends it'self well to either romance or heat.  The wind blowing, out in public but usually not where people can see you.  Let your imagination run on the balcony and you will stumble away much happier.

1. The top place?  It is also the most boring place to many.  But the Bed!  Tried and true.  Anything and everything goes on the bed.  Any position works, any level of intensity works.  you can certainly get in a rut on the bed but with a little imagination you can always find something different do to.  Like being tied up? That's why there are bed posts.  Like sweet sweet smooth sex?  A bed is big and soft.  Like to roll around, stand up, doggie style, fall off the edge..... You name it, the bed can handle it.



That's it for today.  Now go home, grab a willing partner and get working on making your own movie quality sex!  Your wife or husband will thank you for it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Top 10 worst places to have sex, but TV makes seem great!




LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!  Sex in the movies looks so grand.  A couple is so turned on that they just grab each other and without hesitation go at it like rabbits.  No matter the location or whats going on around them to world stops and earth shattering sex is had.  To bad the real world isn't so nice.  Rug burn happens, banging your head on a rock happens, clean up happens.  So today we are running down the top 10 movie sex scenes that are not as glorious in real life.



10. Port-a-potties/concerts - Yes, sex in public can be hot.  Being so turned on that you have to have it at a concert can be REALLY hot.  But the port-a-potties of real life are NASTY, GROSS, and no one wants to touch anything in them.  Let alone scrump around in it.




















9. The Airplane Bathroom - Joining the mile high club is a dream for most people.  How great is it to say you were 25000 feet in the air and had great sex?  It's a list people just have to be on.  A list they are willing to risk getting arrested for.  But is it a risk you are willing to try to have sex in the worlds smallest bathroom?  We all remember Chevy Chase having the blue leg after he tried it.


















8. Hardwood Stairs - Many a movie makes it to the stairs but the couple are so hot they just can't wait the extra 8 seconds to go up them to get to the bedroom. So they lay right there and go at it on the stairs.  Doggie style works well.  So that is not part of the list.  However, ask anyone who is on bottom how it feels to have hardwood stairs hitting you in multiple places while you are trying to enjoy the pelasure of the hot sex.  Talk about a turn off.  It won't take long before that person is begging.... Begging you to stop.





7. Prison - There's only 1 type of sex that ever happens in prison.... and it's not the type most guys want.  Girls in prison are neither hot nor just aching to have sex through the bars.  For the guys.... If you try this you will most certainly become someone's little bitch.








6. Any Rocky Location - See Hardwood Stairs.  Rocks are not fun. They hurt. They scratch and they cut.  By the way, I don't mean the good type of hurt like a spanking brings.






5. A Rope Swing. Think of how hard it is for 1 person to get in and out of the rope swing.  An arm falling through the opening, a leg getting twisted in ropes.  While they can be comfortable when you just laying still, movement can cause quite the problem.  Now add another body to the mix and lots of movement.  Arms flailing about, legs intertwined together.  A penis hanging out....  Add all of this up and you have the makings of a Marx Brothers comedy, not the makings of hot passionate lovemaking.  















4. Ocean (really any body of water) - Guys, for you it will be fun.  A lot of fun.  But stop for a minute and ask any girl what forcing sandy salt water into her vagina does for her.....  not a pretty picture.  Salt water dries up the natural juices and is very unpleasant for the girl.  So for guys this may be a good place but for the women... Think again.


3. Small Cars -  cramps are not fun during sex.







2. Bathtub - one of the most "go to"  movie scenes for romantic sex.  The candles, the bubble bath, the hot water.  It looks so wonderful.  How could any couple not take advantage of that bath tub they own to re enact this beautiful experience?  Well, the normal bathtub is a lot shorter than the normal person and they aren't wide enough for 2 people.  Then don't even get me started on a metal faucet hitting you while your trying to pump away.










1. The Beach.  One of the most iconic scenes in movies comes from the Beach.  But think about all that sand.  Have you ever gone to the beach  just for fun and afterwards you are really pissed at all the sand you brought home with you?  Sand has a magenetic like way of getting into every nook and crany on your body. Just imagine the places it goes when your having sex.  Just like the ocean water, what do you think sand does to a woman when it gets inside her?  Not fun!









*note - all sex can be great.  These just don't end up as nice as in the movies.

Friday, June 8, 2012


Ninja Gnome ready to attack.  He had to stand ninja silent for awhile before the "prey" would come to him.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Ninja Gnome after battle



He saved us from the tornado that hit this weekend!  He has mad Skillz.

Tales of a Ninja Gnome



Tales of a Ninja Gnome

It was a dark and stormy night.  The rain had been pounding for hours causing the flood waters to rise to the edge of the compound.  The wind was picking up and blowing harder and harder as the storm drove on.  Ninja Gnome knew he was in for the fight of his life but as the protector of this parcel of land he also knew it was his duty to ensure its safety.  Tonight, he knew, was not a night for normal ninja tactics.  It was not a night for silent movements, hiding in shadows, or deadly throwing stars.  No, tonight he would face the enemy head on, out in the open, ninja vs he toughest beast he had yet to face.  Ninja against the tornado. 


The reports were coming in faster now.  The tornado was moving in towards his region.  Towards the family he loved so dearly.  Ninja gnome decided it was time for him to come out of the shadows and begin.  From out of the Gardanias he stepped.  Only his hands and heart as weapons tonight.  He inhaled a deep smell of the white fragrant blooms so that he would always keep in mind what he was truly fighting for.  And so it began.  From 1 street over the tornado could be seen in the sky, coming down to touch the ground mere yards from him.  He threw his hands in the air and with a loud bellowing voice declared “You shall not pass” (ok, I know that was corny but it I had to you is it!).  Driving his powerful thighs into the ground he launched himself into the heart of the beast.  The beast pushed its wind towards Ninja Gnome, driving the rain into his face so he could not see.  If he was a normal man he would have feared for his life.  But, He is not a normal man.  Throwing his hand out he grasped the tornado by the edge and to on loookers it seemed as if the beast was getting the better of him.  For several moments no one could see where Ninja Gnome had been thrown.  We all knew it was over for him and he had lost….. But then, a glimpse of his khaki uniform and soft battle cry could be heard, the tornado was faltering.  It looked as though it was unsure of its next move.  It was no longer heading in a straight path to the yard, it was, well, it was, turning.  Not in a smooth way as tornados often do but in a jerk.  As if some force had grabbed ahold of it and was forcing it to go against its will.  It wanted to stay straight but it couldn’t.  It jerked a little left, then back straight, then further left, a little further, a little further.  At this point those watching swore they heard a painful cry come out of the tornado, as if it had finally felt pain unlike anything before.   As the cry subsided all could see that the tornado had given up.  If it had shoulders, they would be shrugging.  If it had a tail, it would be between its legs.  Like the Devil that went down to Georgia, The Beast knew that he had been beat. 


We all gave a shout.  Cheered the Ninja Gnome’s successful victory but quickly the happiness died down.  Where was Ninja Gnome?  No one saw him.  He had not landed safely back at his garden.   For long moments it seemed as if he had given his life to save us all.  Provided us with the biggest sacrifice anyone could give.  Tears started flowing slowly from each of us. I personally fell to me knees.  1 hand holding my up on the ground.  To everyone else Ninja Gnome was their protector, he was the one they called on when they were scared.  But to me…. He was my friend.  After a long search we all knew the inevitable had happened.  I had lost my protector, my friend.