Ways to make your marriage better

Since yesterday was my wedding anniversary to Bitches I have decided that this Public Service Announcement should be to help others achieve the happiness we have. Here are a hand full of tips for you husbands out there to help show your love to your wonderful wives.

1. Buy your woman lingerie in a smaller size then she wears. "Oh, Honey, I seriously thought you were a size 2. You look so good!"

2. Turn the TV to ESPN CLASSICS. Watch for a few minutes and then turn to your wife and tell her she is more important then the game and turn the TV off. She will love this and you won't miss a game since the Classics station only shows past games from years ago. Win - Win.

3. "Bake your wife a cake." Take time off of work to go home and surprise her by "baking" a cake. Just remember to throw away the bakery container and mess up the cake some. You can't have it looking like you just bought it from the bakery.

4. When your wife is doing a chore such as the dishes wait for her to walk away from it for whatever reason. Then step in and finish it for her. You get the credit for doing the chore and usually only have 1 or 2 dishes left anyway.

5. Offer to take your wife shopping at the mall one night. "Honey, you know what, you've had a hard day. Let's go shopping for awhile to cheer you up." But remember, Don't offer this until 8:00 at night. By the time she gets ready and you get to the mall it will be pert near closing time.

6. Tell your wife that she looks just like a hot actress such as Jennifer Aniston. She will feel good about herself and the next time that you say Jennifer Aniston is hot you can play off off by saying "She looks so much like you honey." (side note fellas, pick a girl that at least looks kinda like your wife).

7. When you think you may be busted looking at a hot girl, make a disgusting face and remark "I can't believe someone would go out wearing a skirt like that. That's just wrong." Make sure to do this BEFORE your wife makes any other comments. If the girl is very young then you can add "What does she think her parents would say?"


Certain things to remember. Study these. Learn them. Live them. These are fast answers to basic questions.

1. "Does this make me look fat?" you reply - "Only with a PH baby." now, see what I did here? Most guys would just answer no, it doesn't make you look fat. But girls know about that. So by changing it up a little and saying only with a PH you throw them off their game. For those not in the know PHAT means hot. It is pronounced FAT. Watch some MTV People.

2. "Hows dinner taste?" you reply - "Oh, you did a great job with dinner tonight honey." Don't question this. If you tell her it wasn't good then you are somehow attacking her skills in the kitchen. If you ever want to eat again suck it up for a night and remember that you've eaten worse for bets.

3. "Do I need to go on a diet?" you reply - "For what?" Making sure to give a quizzical look as if she is just insane for thinking that. Now if she answers back "Because I'm getting fat!" Then see the reply for question #1

4. "Is she prettier then me?" you reply - "Who?" you obviously don't know who she is talking about because no one compares to her. Once your wife points out who she is talking about the answer is always "Are you serious honey? No way."