Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Strip Club Rules




After a long break I have decided that I must provide some additional guidance to the public. Without my knowledge many people would be left in the dark and I wouldnt want that. So here is another Public Service announcement from Mr. Bitches.

Rules for a strip club.



1. Always wear a hat. Girls on the stage really like playing with hats.


2. Don't take an ATM card with you. When the blood stops flowing to the big head you stop caring about how much your little head is spending.


3. If there is sex in the champagne room... remember, you weren't the first one to pop the cork.


4. Don't lie to your wife about it. Invite her, you never know. She may have more fun then you do.


5. When out at the strip club remember, you can look at the menu but you better dine at home.


6. When you start to believe that the girl is actually interested in you..... LEAVE.


7. Tip $5 the first time. For the extra $4 she gets, the girl will keep coming back to you instead of your friend.


8. Don't ask for change. They really don't like that. "Hey, um, I'm going to throw this $10 on the stage and take back 9 ones okay?"


9.Once you have left the strip club get control of yourself and no, your wife will not pick up your dollar bill without her hands. (your lucky if you don't get slapped for asking)


10. Sliding your credit card down a girls butt cheeks will certainly get you thrown out.


11. Ask for the Charlie Sheen Special


12. Always keep your hands to yourself, just not in your lap. that's gross. you are in public.


13. Don't try and save money at the "early Bird special" Obviously that's not where the real talent is.




and lastly....



14. when you go to the strip club and you see that bitch you hated from high school dancing, proceed directly to the stage, drop down your money and say "I can't WAIT for my class reunion!" Come on. you know I would have to show Miley on a blog about stripping.

9 comments:

  1. I wonder...do the same rules apply to male strip clubs?

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  2. This PSA is sorely overdue. Kudos for finally getting it out there! Thanks to Bitches for sending out the link on Twitter - funny shit :)

    We've had issues with Rule #1...wearing a hat will get you kicked out around here.

    Rule #2 is golden. Leave your credit card at home too.

    #4 - Yes and yes.

    #10 - Denied, denied, APPROVED!

    #11 - Wha? I'll have to google that one.

    #12 - Security does *not* have a sense of humor.

    @FC - I went to one Male Review for a bachelorette party and I'm pretty sure I have PTSD. I paid one of the "dancers" to stop rubbing his junk on me. Banana hammock...eww...

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  3. HEHEHE. Rubbing his junk on you. Guys pay EXTRA for a girl to rub her junk on them!

    1 extra bit of advice for guys out there. Take handi-wipes. If the dancer puts your face between her boobs odds are she just did it to the nasty guy sitting at the end of the stage to. You will need some disenfectant in that case.

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  4. This is hysterical!!!! And I love that you advice the men to invite their wives/girlfriends. 'Cause seriously, you never know!

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  5. For anyone that is just seeing this blog for the first time go back and read some of the older posts. Especially the Vanilla Sex one!

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  6. Sweet lord. You'd better remember #5 bitches.

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