The New Car Buying Experience - Part 1

I’m sitting here at my desk pondering the purchase Bitches and I made last night. A new Subaru Forester. I’m sure she will write a blog about the vehicle so I will tackle the task of telling you the true story of our trials and tribulations with getting a new car.

Before purchasing a new car we did our homework. We looked around and checked the internet. Decided on the price we could afford and what we were willing to pay. We narrowed down our choices and were all set to do some test driving. Then came the "recommendations" from friends. To start, we liked recommendations. People that know us and listened to what we wanted gave us good ideas. I especially have one "car guy" friend who explained a lot to me and we have a couple other friends that suggested things right up our alley, but as with most things people took it as a time to recommend what they want. Their dreams. Here are a couple of the suggestions and my replies to them.


1. Get a Big Ass Suburban, Commander, or anything else that’s bigger then a house and can run over other cars (and also gets 10 MPG). When I said that wasn’t for me I was asked (no joke) "What, is that to much car for you?" My reply..... My penis is the perfect size for me and Bitches. I don’t need to drive around showing off my extension. If I wanted an extension I’d go buy the elephant sleeve (look it up ladies. If your man is a little on the ... well.... little side he could use it.)

2. Get a sports car or convertible. My reply.... I am not having a mid life crises, I won't be driving down the road with John Gossling scoping out 20 year old girls who have daddy issues or gold diggers. I need something practical not something Guido with the hairy chest and all the bling would drive. On a side note, have any of ya’ll ever seen a guy pull up beside you in a sports car and you thought to yourself that car is so hot I think I’ll jump in the front seat and have sex with him? Just taking a poll here.

3. Get a luxury car. My reply... We cant afford it. I like food and my wife must purchase every twilight doll and magazine she sees. Since New Moon is coming out I figure she will only have more Edward dolls to purchase.

The next installment of this post will be about the sales tactics used at the dealership. Stay tuned.